1. I have a Tumblr.
2. I get emotional really very easily
3. I get high easily
4. Optimism, optimism, optimism!
5. FPS games are FUN.
6. HALO. MASTERCHIEF. Need I say more?
7. Ice cream+peanut butter!.
8. Believes smileys can cheer people up
9. Likes making people happy (^_^)v
10. I think happiness can be simple.
= Smiles make the world go round!
= If you've found this site, drop me a message or tag. The reason why I don't exactly announce my blog is that I feel that the people who want to find it will, and I don't need to promote it aggressively.
= Also, I don't update all that often.
Too many things running through my mind.
*Thursday, April 08, 2010
A close friend of mine just dropped a bombshell on me today; she doesn't know what to do. I want to help, but I can't, because I'm not her. I can only listen and let her lean on me for strength, if she needs it.
And watch this video, it'll shock and horrify you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIjanhKqVC4
I feel so helpless.
I feel so helpless that the world is in such a state, and as one person I can't do much to change it.
I feel so helpless that I have no idea how to help it.
I want to help it, I want to change the world.
I want to be a psychologist to help people, to change their lives one at a time, if I can. Like that story of the boy and the starfish on the beach, I want to make a difference.
I want to shake the world awake, I want to show them what capitalism, what it made us to be. I'm immersed into this world, but I want to be a
I want the world to change. I want them to stop looking at just the bottom line, and start caring for things/people/animals around us. I want them to see and care.
What does it boil down to? Why does this happen?
Apathy.
Apathy, because it doesn't concern or harm us, we don't have to be concerned with it.
Apathy, because it hasn't happened to anyone we know, we don't have to bother.
Apathy, because it's not part of our species, therefore, there is no chance of it happening to us. Therefore, we don't have to care.
Apathy, because it gives us a very comfortable life, we don't ask, we don't care.
What does this make us?
What does this show about us?
If those animals could talk, what would they say?
"Why are you doing this to me? Why am I crippled because you want my flesh for food, torn away from my child because you want my milk, and killed cruelly because I am no longer useful to you?
"What would you do if our positions were switched?
"How would you react if I take your kid away from you, then milk you a few times a day, even if it hurts?
"How would you feel if I pump you full of hormones, so that you grow so fast that you legs can't support your weight?"
I believe that not all farms like that, that there are good farms that have good and kind practices, but I sincerely hope that one day, such things don't happen anymore...
Okay I've calmed down. I've thought things through better, instead of getting so worked up that all I can do is lash out.
But this video is a sobering one, giving you food for thought, is it not?
9:00 PM
Happiness can be simple. |
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my dreams sure are bizarre
*Saturday, September 12, 2009
This time though, my brain's probably just overcompensating for my injured foot. Here's what happened.
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I was in a multi-storey house, sleeping in one of the rooms on the second floor. It had those old-school shuttered frosted glass windows that you often saw in classrooms. In the middle of the night, I heard a sound which came from outside my window. Wary, I opened the window slowly and saw a group of gangsters having a meeting outside. I quickly closed my windows before they noticed me. They began to make quite a ruckus, and seemed to be out for blood. Afraid, I hid back under my blankets and pretended to sleep, hoping that they wouldn't notice me. Next thing I knew, I was in an old classroom with about 15 or so other people and the gangsters. Everyone was frightened, especially since the gangsters looked especially malicious and menacing.
The gang leader said "Okay let's go, there isn't much time left before that thing explodes" and left the room with the rest of the gang, locking the door behind them. Looking around, everyone realised that there was a bomb ticking and if we did not escape, we would all die. I went to a window, which had the same shuttered frosted glass windows. Using all my might, I pulled at it, along with another person in the room. Surprisingly, it came out easily. We saw that there were 2 gangsters keeping watch outside, 1 facing us while the other had his back to us. The gangster facing us pretended not to notice, and we smashed the pane of frosted windows on the other gangster, knocking him out. The gangster who saw us told us to hurry escape, and took another pane of glass, shattering over his own head. We all ran and split up, as the gang saw us and gave chase.
Coming to a stairwell, I rushed down it, with a gangster in hot pursuit. I took the stairs 1 flight at a time, jumping over the banisters to speed up. Coming to the ground floor, I ran as fast as I could, past people milling around. Suddenly, I found myself in a lobby of sorts, when I was just in a school building. The police were there, and the rest of the escapees were seated on the floor, with most of the gangsters caught. I went to them and sat down for awhile to catch my breath. The police lead most of the gangsters away, and I left the place after thinking that everything was over. As I was outside, the chief gangster who wasn't captured spotted me and gave chase.
I immediately ran, as fast as I could, and this time I was jumping around to avoid him, jumping up the top of the exhibit booths on display. As the chief gangster couldn't get to my position, he was goading me, taunting me to make me come down. At this point in time, I tried to capture him with my web, ala Spiderman, but nothing came out. I saw the police approaching him, ambushing him and I distracted him, allowing the police to capture him. As he was led away he shouted out "I will be back, this is not the last you'll see of me!"
With the threat finally gone, I was about go get down from the booth when a voice from the top of the other booth stopped me. "Before you go, try this Meowth taiyaki!", he said. I turned to my right, and I saw a guy with the taiyaki. At this point in time, I somehow noticed that the booth that I was on was Lancomé and the other booth was L'Oreal. As I turned around, I woke up.
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My dreams can get weirdly bizarre sometimes. It'll probably make a rather good story though, with some polishing.
7:50 PM
Happiness can be simple. |
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The Tears That Fall
*Friday, August 07, 2009
I was doing some spring cleaning on my laptop and came across this short story that I did for a module back in year 3, and just decided to post it up. This version's unedited since the submission. Do give comments if you've read through it. =) Currently deciding if I should continue writing it.
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Guys are supposed to be ‘macho’ and all;
They’re not supposed to cry, they’re supposed to be strong.
But when they do cry, why and what is it for?
— ∞ —
Samuel was facing another man in an abandoned warehouse, located in the old port miles away from civilisation. It had been unused for many years after the port moved to its current location, and part of the warehouse had caved in. Huge rusting shipping containers were stacked in neat rows, towering above the ground. He was pointing a gun at the other man, but the other man was unperturbed.
The other man sat in the lone chair in the warehouse, playing with a pocketknife, with one leg balanced across the other. A lit cigarette hung carelessly from between his fingers.
“Where is she, Chad?” he said calmly, the gun held steady and pointed at the other man.
Chad stopped playing, and glanced up, a slight smile curving on his face. “I would point that gun away if I were you. Bullets don’t have eyes you know.” He shook his finger at Samuel almost nonchalantly, infuriating him.“And where is who, Nick?” He slowly got up, thumbing the pocketknife. “Or shall I say Samuel?”
Shock ran through Samuel’s body, as he realised that his identity had been exposed. A hint of emotion flashed on his face, but it was gone in a flash as he tried to keep his emotions under control. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
A savage smile formed on Chad’s face as he paced the room slowly. “Oh don’t act innocent already, Samuel. Sergeant Samuel Khoo, been with the police force for a year. Was apparently fired and jailed for a month for taking bribes from the triads. In actual fact, you were working undercover to infiltrate the Dragon Street gang, to bring it down from the inside. Am I right?”
Visibly shaken, sweat was beading on Samuel’s brow. How did his cover blow? He had been very careful to cover his tracks. “This is ridiculous! Where did you hear it from?”
He had to report this to the Chief as soon as possible. But first, he had to get her out of here. “And where is Kailee?” He began taking steps closer to Chad. “If you harm her in any way, I’ll make you PAY.”
Chad stopped pacing and turned to him. “I have my ways, Nick. Don’t try to deny it. As for her… don’t worry, she’s in safe hands.” Chad was taunting him, and was enjoying it immensely. Chad dropped the cigarette and crushed it under his heel with slow, deliberate movements.
He walked right in front of Chad, his resolve and composure gone. “DON’T YOU BLOODY PLAY WITH ME NOW!” he grabbed the front of Chad’s worn shirt. “WHERE IS SHE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER?!” He pointed the gun in his hand at Chad’s throat, in a miserable attempt to intimidate him.
Chad just laughed and brushed off Samuel’s hand. With one hand, he pushed the gun away from him and kept his pocketknife in his jacket. “You might want to think again, you know. Your girlfriend’s still in my hands, and if you kill me here, you would NEVER see her again.”
Saumuel could only look helplessly as Chad spun on his heels and walked to the chair, sitting on it imperiously. “I have nothing to lose; the Dragon Street gang has been smashed no thanks to you, and I’m on the run.” He leaned forwards, holding his chin in one palm. The silence hung thick in the air.
Chad leaned back in the chair and snapped his fingers. Two burly men dragged a struggling woman from behind a container. Her hands were bound in front of her, her mouth covered by a length of cloth.
She was alive! Her dress was scuffed and slightly torn, her hair was messy, she had a few scratches, but she was alive!
One of the men ripped the cloth away from her mouth. “Sam! Help me! Save – ahh!” she screamed in pain as the man bludgeoned her on the back of her head with a metal rod.
“Kailee!” Samuel screamed anxiously. He moved towards her immediately, desperate to get her out of this nightmare.
“Move closer, and she dies. Immediately.” He was stopped in his tracks. “What do you want?” Samuel gritted out, glaring angrily at Chad. “Just freaking TELL me what you want already!”
“What do I want?” Chad asks in amusement, pointing to himself. “What do I want? Let’s see…” He pretended to think for a moment. “Revenge.”
Giving a sigh of contentment, his eyes were fixed on somewhere faraway. “For all that you’ve done to destroy my life. And don’t interrupt!” he wagged a finger at Samuel, who was about to speak out. “I didn’t ask you to speak.” Chad turned to the two men and gestured with his fingers. “Bring her over here.”
“What are you doing now?” Samuel spat out, raising his gun to Chad, a maelstrom of conflicting emotions swirling within him. Chad grabbed her around the waist and pulled her in front of him, right in the path of the pointed gun.
“Ah well, that’s to ensure that you don’t turn around and use that pesky gun of yours on me.”
“YOU –“
“Now drop that gun and kick it over here.” Faced with no other choice, he did as he was told.
“Now, let her go.”
Chad leaned down to pick the gun up unhurriedly, and every moment was pure agony for him. After what seemed like ages, Chad replied.
“No.”
“WHY? THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER. TAKE IT OUT ON ME, JUST LEAVE HER ALONE.” Samuel could hardly take it anymore; it was driving him insane.
Chad didn’t answer, just toyed with the gun, examining it. He caressed Kailee’s skin with the gun, cool metal against warm flesh, taking perverse pleasure in her fright.
Kailee was whimpering, her eyes filled with pure, unadulterated terror as she stared at the gun in his hands. Tears were brimming in her eyes, threatening to fall. She couldn’t breathe properly from fear, and she was shaking in her shoes. Her voice was stuck in her throat, paralysed from fear.
Without warning, Chad suddenly turned to Samuel and fired.
Bang!
Kailee screamed and shut her eyes, frightened out of her wits. Rivulets of tears streamed down her face, and she was too scared to even breathe. Chad laughed.
The shot had hit Samuel in the knee, shattering it. He collapsed immediately as his knee gave way, and blood flowed out like a wet, sticky river.
“This is for betraying Dragon Street gang.”
Bang!
“This is for going against me.”
Bang!
“This is for destroying my life.”
Bang!
“And this is because I hate you.”
“Sam!” Kailee tried to scream, but it came out as a quavering whisper.
Samuel lay on the floor of the warehouse in a pool of blood, the bullets having pierced clean through his body. Blood flowed profusely, draining him of his life-force, and he grew weaker by the second.
Chad pushed Kailee back to the two men, and strode forward, grabbing Samuel’s shirt. He winced slightly, but refused to let Chad have the satisfaction of seeing him in pain. “Now you know that I’m not to be trifled with, don’t you?” he said in a harsh whisper. Chad brutally cuffed Samuel on the head with the gun before pushing the barrel of the gun to his temple. “I would shoot you in the head gleefully now, but I still have the finale!”
He stood up quickly and strode back to the two men, grabbing Kailee again, pulling her in front of him.
With an almost maniacal smile, Chad dropped the gun and it clattered on the floor, relishing the sound it made. “And now,” he said almost happily, pulling out his pocketknife with a flourish, “it’s time for the finale!”
He placed the blade on Kailee’s throat, and asked “Any last words? Oh well.” He shrugged his shoulders, his hand prepared to move.
Then everything slowed down.
The knife slit through her throat in one smooth motion, and blood squirted out, spattering everywhere. It was as if an abstract artist came in and decided to throw a pail of dark red paint in the air to see where it lands.
Chad grinned as he pushed her body away.
“Kailee!” Samuel tried to stand, but his body refused to listen to him. He could barely move a limb, and only managed to raise his left arm with effort, watching in horror.
For as long as he lived, he would never how she looked as she fell.
Her eyes widened as her throat was slit so mercilessly, her haunted gaze forever burned in his memory. Her mouth opened in a silent scream, open in fear forever. Her body a heavy weight, she crashed to the ground, her eyes wide open.
“Oh well, I think everything’s done here. The fun’s over, and I think he’ll die in awhile.” Chad gestured to the two men. “Let’s go.”
With nary a backward glance, the three of them sauntered out the warehouse doors, Chad whistling all the way.
Samuel crawled towards where Kailee lay, inch by painful inch. The bullet wounds have started to hurt, and it was taking all his energy to move. He left a trail of blood behind him, painting the floor red.
“Kailee…” he whispered, unable to raise his voice any louder. Even that one word took almost all of his strength.
He finally reached her and grasped her hand, hoping against hope that she was still alive, his logical mind knowing that she’s dead but he refused to come to terms with it. It was no use; her hand was limp and devoid of life, just like the rest of her.
“Kailee…” he whispered urgently. “Wake up, don’t sleep anymore! We have to get out of here!” Unshed tears were blurring his vision, threatening to fall.
While growing up, everyone told him that a guy doesn’t cry easily. There’s this Chinese idiom “男子汉,大仗夫,流血不流泪”, which roughly translates to men bleed but don’t cry.
But now, he couldn’t help the tears that fell. He already was an orphan, with no one to rely on, no one to care for him. It wasn’t easy for him to meet Kailee, his one and only support, and now…
She’s gone.
Forever.
And it’s all because of him.
Pain, both physical and mental, assailed his senses, overpowered them. The pain from the wounds he received from Chad hurt like hell and was burning from the inside, but it was nothing compared to the anguish over losing Kailee.
His body began to break down. Already his vision was narrowing; the sides seemed to close in. His limbs refused to cooperate with him, and he lay paralysed on the floor. The burning in his body intensified to unbearable proportions, and just then, he smiled a peaceful smile, anticipating what was coming soon.
Kailee, I’m coming. Wait for me.
Then all feeling ceased to exist.
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FIN.
How was it? =)
1:01 AM
Happiness can be simple. |
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Change
*Sunday, July 05, 2009
Change is inevitable. In fact, it is the only thing that stays constant. Everyday single day, the world's changes. Babies are born, people pass away, buildings are torn down and new ones built. New relationships formed, old relationships broken, bonds strengthened, technology and science advanced.
For most people, the years of being a teenager and probably a few after are ones that are fraught with many changes, both physically and mentally. We go through puberty, get more responsibilities, more freedom that many crave like they would a drug, and 'grow up'. It's this time that we start to really notice people of the opposite sex, and are no longer seen as pests. Some experience their first loves, some get their hearts broken, have their first crushes. Many try to push boundaries, and it's an exciting new time for them. Hormones starts production in earnest, and it's a confusing time for most.
After this, after finishing many years of education, it's time to step into the world of 'adults', once looked upon with awe and longing and yet when we reach that most wish we were young again. The first steps towards independence, both financial and from our parents are taken here. No longer is there a 'fallback' or teachers and mentors guiding you every step of the way, it'll be a scary and exciting new phase of life. Of course, with work brings salary, and newfound spending power will be an exciting new thing to behold.
Now with a job, most people will find their other halves, get married and settle down. Some don't get married, by choice or otherwise. As time goes by, they would probably have had a few children, and then focus on climbing the corporate ladder and bringing up their children, sending them to school and giving them the best that they can provide.
Twenty years or so down the road, the children would have grown up, and there will be no more worries. Most will retire, and years later, like everyone else before them, they die. The cycle repeats, and change happens constantly.
Aat this transitionary age between teenagehood and adulthood, I'm rather excited and yet afraid, both at the same time. It's an interesting feeling that is not easily described. While quite a few of my peers have begun or have already been settling their own affairs such as applying for passports, ATM cards, handphone lines and what-nots, I still don't really know how to use an ATM and have not seen a handphone bill in ages. The last time I saw one was a few years ago, when my mum said that my bill was too high (around $30-$40 I think). There are new experiences to be had on a regular basis.
I feel... strangely unprepared. Really unprepared, like everyone else had some important life preparation lesson that I missed. Truth be told I don't feel 20 at all, and I am not ready. It scares me a little to feel like everyone has an idea of how being this age is like and I missed that memo.
And that's not all that scares me. A few nights ago, as I was falling asleep, I was thinking of how I'm reaching the age that I think I'm finally mature enough to handle a relationship, and how in a few years I'll probably be married, and a few years after that I'll probably have a kid or two. Then it striked me that that's not a lot of time. In the simple mind of mine years back I've always envisioned that I'll be married by 24, have 2 kids by 30 just because it sounds and feels right, and that I will naturally know what to do by then because the knowledge will suddenly drop from the sky and knock me on the head, but alas it did not. And then after twenty years or so, my kids will be grown up and I'll be in retirement, and then, it's just a matter of time before I die. Suddenly I wasn't sleepy anymore.
My mind's trying to grasp the fact that I wouldn't live forever, like everyone else, and it's having some trouble doing so. It feels so transient, and unreal. At this age I guess most, or everyone, feels that they are invincible and they will live forever. In the quiet of the night I looked at my hand, flexed it once, and a thought ran through my head: all this will be reduced to nothing more than dust sooner or later. Throw in another fifty to a hundred years and what you've done and your life will be as if it never existed. But that's the cycle of life, isn't it?
Then I thought, "What happens if we can live forever? Will that be better?" This is probably one of the reasons why people seek immortality (Qin ShiHuang for example), and like books/stories/movies with vampires and immortal souls/beings. But what happens if you can live forever? It'll soon be a burden, a chore, and a torture. Imagine seeing everything around you change other than you, living day after day, year after year, millennia after millennia.
Back to the nearer future, I'm adapting to these inevitable changes in my life. Slowly but surely, I think I'll make the transition and gain the knowledge of the adult I'm supposed to be in a year or two, seeing that it did not hit me over the head like a sack of bricks. Slowly, but surely. I'll get there when I get there I guess? And I'll do it my way.
1:28 AM
Happiness can be simple. |
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A face to the war
*Sunday, June 07, 2009
It's about 1.30am and I just cried watching the video below.
I've been watching quite a few similar videos and most of them got my tears flowing. I couldn't help it; take the video above, you can see and feel the longing, the relief, the happiness and the myriad of emotions flowing out from both the boy and his father. For most of us, we'll be hard pressed to imagine lives without our parents there everyday, or the uncertainty as to whether they'll come back alive (touch wood). But for the children of the soldiers, they have to live with months, or maybe even a year or 2 without seeing their parents. Worse still, they have to live with the uncertainty as to whether they'll make it back. As sad as these videos are, the saddest stories are when men and women do not make it back alive. Think of how many families are broken up just like that.
This applies to the "enemy" as well. Some might not want to fight, but has no choice other than to protect what they hold dear. You might think "oh, they are a threat to the safety of the world", or maybe "but they are terrorists" to rationalise your support for the war. But think about this: they might not be fighting because they are oh-so-bad-terrorists, but just because they want to protect their homeland. If you were in their shoes, would you just give up and let others invade you?
They have families, they have homes, they have their lives there. What justifies this attack on them? If you want to get to the bottom of it I think that wars are started due to the governments/rulers of the country. As unwilling as the army/people are in regards to war, they have to follow the instructions of the head of state (unless they mutiny or start a rebellion, which will lead to unrest and more suffering to the people). It seems really unfair that the common civilian, the common man/woman/child on the street has to pay for what's not their fault in the first place, to be caught in the crossfire.
"Zombie" by The Craneberries and "Where Is The Love" by the Black Eyed Peas are 2 really strong songs that brings to mind the suffering of these people. Sometimes I wonder when will all this fighting stop, when will all this end and peace to come to everyone.
Then I realise that men never really learn from their mistakes, as shown since time immemorial, when people started fighting to gain power.
On another note, to the passengers on Air France flight 447, may you rest in peace. To the familes of the passengers, my heartfelt condolences. I cannot say that I undestand how you feel because nothing like this has happened to me (touchwood), but I can imagine how much pain and anguish you must be feeling.
1:14 AM
Happiness can be simple. |
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Graduation
*Thursday, May 14, 2009
Today was the last day of officially being a Ngee Ann Mass Communication student. It was our graduation ceremony, and the end of this chapter of our lives. Okay maybe not exactly over, because I'll always have this connection to Ngee Ann, the place that holds many dear memories. The place where I made many friends, and where I learnt to open up more and where I feel so much more accepted than my secondary school.
My dear lecturers, thank you so much for your patience, and for everything you have done for us. You guys made lessons interesting, became our friends and helped us so much.
Classmates and friends, that you for being that awesome bunch. Whether it's the insane and inane midnight MSN chats, or the rushing of projects, or the hanging out, or even the time spent in lectures and tutorials, you guys were great.
Of course, there's Ambassadors and all the others in school that have made this 3 years so much more enjoyable and unforgettable. Thank you guys for making me feel welcome and at home, and being the awesome people you guys are.
Now that I've graduated, I'll miss everything and everyone.
And before I become all melancholic, emotional and upset (I nearly cried during the ceremony -_-"), I'll like to say that these 3 years have been wonderful.
Thank you all.
1:25 AM
Happiness can be simple. |
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too many thoughts
*Thursday, April 30, 2009
It's late at night, and I should be asleep (driving practice tomorrow at 1pm), but there are so many thoughts running through my mind and I thought penning them down before sleeping would be better. Warning: it'll possibly be verbal diarrhea, and might not make much sense. Then again, you're probably (all) used to it by now right? =)
My 4 year old nephew who was visiting my family with an aunt walked into a room I was in today with a full PACKET of Yakult straws stuck in his mouth. As usual, playing with him, I asked him (translated from Mandarin because he doesn't speak English) "wahh, why are you playing with the entire PACK of Yakult straws? And you put them in your mouth!"
He just gave me his innocent, cheeky smile and said simply "I'm smoking". I was so shocked and saddened that I didn't know how to react. I guess it's really true that kids learn everything and anything from their adult role models, because the people he's living with mostly smoke, and even the people who frequent his house. With no one to really teach him right from wrong, he learnt that smoking's okay because his esteemed dad and relatives are all smoking. What a bad environment to grow up in. I'm so grateful that my dad stopped smoking when my brother and I were born, and he stopped for us. =) He now also dislikes people smoking, though not as much as me (or I think my brother?) because I have a sensitive nose and asthma, and cigarette smoke makes me cough and choke. I still wonder how people can willingly inhale poison and kill them slowly and painfully.
At times I think an optimist outlook is great, and the constant lookout for something good in things bad is kinda helping me. When I get upset that I haven't gotten any letters and notifications from any universities (NUS and NTU), I'll think that "okay, either they send me a letter and I have somewhere to study this year. If not, I can take the coming year to consider what it is I am really interested in/can make a living from, and reapply again. Also, there'll be more time to prepare. In any case, I can still apply for a private university."
I realise that I've been playing a few games with zombies lately, be it cute or not. Left4Dead is fun, both blowing off the heads of zombie hordes or playing as a zombie. Plants vs. Zombies is a really cute game that has you creating a lawn defense against the zombies. You use PLANTS to fight zombies, that for the most part moves slowly, giving ample time for your peashooters and what-nots to kill the zombies. A sample of the weirdness? There's this plant that shoots BUTTER at enemies (as well as corn kernels) at zombies. Apparently butter slows zombies down.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a slow/late bloomer. Haha it seems like people my age have all done what I'm doing now maybe 3, 4 years ago. Hmm. They stay out late and 12am is normal for them (or later), and I'm usually home by latest... 10? On some occasions later, but usually I'll be home for dinner or before 10/11. But it doesn't really affect me, and I know it's because my parents worry for me. Anyway I don't go out all that often. =)
I really need to concentrate better and not get distracted quite so easily. My 10 sheep cross stitch has only 3 1/2 sheep done! But it's kinda therapeutic, not that I'm stressed or anything. Oh, TRANSFORMERS 2 LOOKS AWESOME. X-Men Origins: Wolverine looks nice too. I was thinking of Gu-gu the Cat, because it's way adorable, but I think it's not showing anymore. Aww. =( Angels and Demons looks good too, and I've read the entire Dan Brown series (is it even a series?), so if the book's anything to go by it'll be nice.
1.37am on my dashboard clock and I'm hungry. =( Garlicky prawns would be nice now, or maybe cheesecake or yam cake! =D Not the Chinese steamed yam cake, but Westerned baked yam cake. Okay now I feel greedy because there's still chocolate lava cake with ice cream on my mind, and steamed crabs and laksa and OH MY GOODNESS I got to stop thinking about so much food. Ah well since I remember I still have pushpops (somewhere) for tomorrow, on the way for my driving lesson.
Graduation's on Wednesday (13 May 2009) and driving test's on Thursday (14 May) and I hope I can pass my driving test. o.O I tend to panic and get nervous when I know it's a test and I see them writing on the paper because gosh DEMERITS if I get too many I fail. =( BUT. I will (do my best?) to have confidence in myself, and be more "daring".
Did you know you can't fold a piece of paper in half more than 7 times? Unless it's some HUGE piece of paper, and by huge I mean HUGE. Like football court HUGE. The paper gets too thick and all. Try it! =)
Happy Mother's Day! =) Officially it's past midnight, but any day can be Mother's Day. I love you Mummy! Even though I might grumble a little behind your back when you scold me or nag, but I love you! *big hugs*
Thank you to all who made my day today/yesterday. =) It was sort-of different, it was memorable, and yes I could hardly stop smiling.
And I am thanking all the wonderful people in my life again that makes my life such a whirlwind of rainbow colours. You know how an action might change the course of your entire life? I think one choice that I will never regret is coming to poly. So many memories, so many wonderful friends, and yes so much joy.
Shall not name names here, but I guess you guys know who's who. =)
Thank you friend for being the first to wish me the day before, and even ANNOUNCING it on your own blog, plus telling the whole world that I'm blur. =p
Thank you friend for arranging for a meeting with you and the 2 army boys who are always so hard to grab hold of. =) See you soon!
Thank you friends who wished me on FaceBook or sent me an SMS. Or somehow got it through to me. =)
Thank you dear friend who let me give you this ridiculously long name and called me this morning, though it's also to ask how to count GPA. =)
Thank you friend for being the first one I called this morning because yours was the other SMS I received apart from the result SMS and I HAD to tell someone the good news. It was, at that time, bursting out. And sorry for disrupting your labrat-ness, Mr arms-can't-move. =p
Thank you friend, for SMSing me even though you were in camp at that time. =) Hope you've recovered! And you probably won't read this until months later, if at all. Haha =p
And to my wonderous family. =)
Thank you bro, for the nonsense at dinner. By the way, she really was like Jigglypuff can, or some lullaby singer. (^_^)v
Thank you kor, for the cute necklace and when are you getting a girlfriend? =D Hahaha! Though I know you probably don't read this. -_-"
Thank you daddy and mummy for the day. =)
Thank you kou kou and kou tio for celebrating my birthday with me as well.
Other than losing my teenagehood, this year has no milestone.
What will next year hold..? I have no idea. Ah well.
12:49 AM
Happiness can be simple. |
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New phase in life?
*Thursday, March 19, 2009
So, I just turned the big 2-oh, and am no longer a teenager.
So far it's uninteresting; not bolt of light, not immediate flash of knowledge, no sudden knowledge and maturity. What a bummer.
When I was younger, I used to think that at certain milestones in life, you will suddenly gain the knowledge that people that age seem to get. For example, when you're a middle-aged teen (around 16 or so) you become street smart and all, and know your way around Orchard Road, At 18 you become more mature, develop this sudden liking for clubbing (urgh!), and it'll strike you like a ton of bricks. A tiny part of me was waiting to see if it would happen.
It never happened.
I, at 19, have no idea how to navigate Orchard Road, have no idea what bus goes where, got lost at freaking ORCHARD ROAD the other time and had to call a friend for help (the saving grace was that another friend was with me and we BOTH were lost), have never dated (though that's by choice until now and for now), stay home all the time, and seem to miss out or not know all the social things that teens do. And I'm now no longer a teen. Oh well. I seem to be a late bloomer in the social aspect anyway, and going out too often means spending a lot of money.
As a newly minted 20 year old, I was waiting for the flash of knowledge that people my age will know, and it never happened. I just transited this seemingly momentous time with nary a hoot. That's my teenagehood gone FOREVER, and here I am feeling.... nothing. What a disappointment.
And now there's this crossroads in front of me: what to pursue for my further education? I know I'm this fickle person who's interested in so many things, but now it's time to think of what I would want to do in the future. I want to continue designing: I love designing and all. But you need creativity and talent, and I feel that I'm somewhat lacking in that. I look at the beautiful works I see online, the experimentations I see everywhere, and I want to create like that. I want to create works of art and beauty so that people can enjoy them, and so that it might make a difference to that someone's life.
On the other hand, I'm really interested in Psychology as well. I know that if I take that I'll probably have to do until my Masters or PhD to be a real qualified psychologist, but I want to do my part to help society. Imagine the impact I can make on the lives of people I counsel! And if I can, kids too, to those who suffered some traumatic experience. They are so young, I can't imagine how it felt to go through all that.
And during the holidays there are so many things I want to do. I want to learn the guitar, continue my Japanese lessons, and probably learn to knit. I know it seems very grandmother-ish, but I think it can be really therapeutic and all. I want to practice my designing skills, and artwork as well. I want to learn how to create marvelous works of art like what I see. I also want to establish this exercise routine, which I haven't been able to do because of procrastination.
I hope I can keep to them all, and as usual, I've deviated far far from what I have typed in the beginning.
Being 20 really feels no different, except I think that I'm probably ready. And I'll just keep smiling and be happy-go-lucky. =) And it's a good thing I'm an optimist or I'll be freaking out that possibly 1/4 of my life's over if I live to 80.
Ah well, life's interesting this way. =)
11:45 PM
Happiness can be simple. |
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the beautiful story of salty coffee
*Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Disclaimer: This story is not by me. I heard it/watched it/read it somewhere, but have no idea where. It made an impact on me and I suddenly remembered it today, for some reason. Can't remember everything in detail, so I read one of the versions floating on the Internet and wrote it my way. It still sounds similar in some parts, and if anyone knows where the ORIGINAL versions is from, tell me. I'll give credit. =)
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They met at a party. He was a normal guy, ordinary, and blended into the background there, going unnoticed. She was outstanding, the life of the party, and all the other guys were after her. When the party ended, he took the initiative and asked her out for a coffee. She was really surprised, but being polite, she accepted his offer.
They sat at a nice cafe in silence, she not knowing what to say and he being too nervous to speak out. Their coffees arrived and still they sat in silence. She was very uncomfortable with the silence, and was hoping for it to end now. Suddenly, he asked the waiter for salt for his coffee. She was taken aback. Why would anyone put salt in coffee? The salt came and he put some of it into the coffee.
Curiously, she asked him for the reason. "It's very simple," he said. "I used to live by the seaside as a boy, and loved to play in the sea. I loved the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now, whenever I drink salty coffee, I remember my parents, my childhood and my hometown. I miss them so much; my parents, my hometown."
He said with such passion and tears formed in his eyes. She was touched by his story. All he said was from the bottom of his heart. Anyone who was so nostalgic and loved his childhood so much, and could talk of his homesickness would love and care for his home, protect and be responsible to his home.
She opened up, and started talking about her hometown, her family and her childhood. They talked until the wee hours of the morning, and it was the beginning of a beautiful story. They continued dating, and she found him to be everything she hoped her other half would be. And to think that she almost missed being with him and knowing him, if not for his love of salty coffee.
Like a prince and his princess in a fairytale, they married and lived happily ever after, building a home and a family together. And every time she made coffee for him, she'll add in some salt, just the way he liked it. The lived happily for many years, until he passed away some 40 years later.
After his death, she received a letter written by him to her. Here's what it said:
" My Dearest wife, forgive me for I have lied to you. I know I have promised never to lie to you, but in fact I have lied to you the entire time I have known you - about the story of the salty coffee.
Remember our first 'date' at the cafe? I was so nervous that time that when I wanted to ask for salt instead of sugar for my coffee. It was rather hard for me to change what I wanted to say then, so I went on ahead with the story. Who knew that it would be the start of our story? I tried to tell you the truth many times during our marriage, but I was afraid. I had promised to never lie to you, and it was a lie that started our relationship. Now that I'm dying, I have nothing left to fear.
The truth, my dear, is that I don't like salty coffee. What a weird, bad taste it has, but I have had salty coffee for my whole life since I knew you. I never regret the things I do for you; having you with me is the greatest happiness in my entire life. If I can live all over again, I still want to know you and have you as my wife, even if I have to drink the salty coffee again."
Her tears fell freely, soaking the entire letter. One day, someone asked her, "What does salty coffee taste like?"